(no subject)
Dear Meghan: Our 11-year-old daughter is not motivated by personal hygiene. She will shower when reminded to, but she does not wash her hair effectively (I still have to wash it for her sometimes to make sure it gets clean). She is in puberty and is starting to get pimples on her face, but she will not wash her face at night unless I basically walk her into the bathroom and do it with her. When she brushes her teeth in the morning, she still has morning breath afterward, so clearly is not doing an effective job.
I am at a loss. We have worked with her and, frankly, nagged her for years, and I’m just tired of it. Is this developmentally appropriate? We do not believe she is neurodivergent, and she’s a great kid — smart, social and involved in a lot of activities. I don’t understand this refusal to do the basics of effective personal hygiene. The approach we’ve been taking is clearly not working, so I would love some advice. Thank you!
— Nagging Not Working
( Read more... )
I am at a loss. We have worked with her and, frankly, nagged her for years, and I’m just tired of it. Is this developmentally appropriate? We do not believe she is neurodivergent, and she’s a great kid — smart, social and involved in a lot of activities. I don’t understand this refusal to do the basics of effective personal hygiene. The approach we’ve been taking is clearly not working, so I would love some advice. Thank you!
— Nagging Not Working
( Read more... )
(no subject)
Dear Carolyn: I made the horrible mistake of developing a relationship with a parent of one of my child’s friends that ultimately led to me cheating on my boyfriend of two years. The affair lasted about two months. My boyfriend found out and confronted me about two months ago, at which point I owned up to it, albeit after much resistance and hedging on my part.
The affair is over because my affair partner broke up with me upon finding out I had not broken up with my boyfriend as he had demanded. I want very much to repair things with my boyfriend. This whole experience has shown me how artificial the affair was and how I was willing to throw away my relationship for what was ultimately a facade.
The past two months have been hell — being insulted and called horrible names, constant sarcasm, throwing things I’ve said back in my face, refusal to hear my apologies, etc. My boyfriend has since started dating other people after telling me he’s going to do to me what I did to him: try other people out. How long do I keep fighting to fix this and make amends? At this point, I just agree with everything he says about the affair, even if it’s not true, just to avoid another daily argument. My hope is almost gone, I’m defeated, and he seems to take joy in being mean and hurtful toward me. Do I cut my losses? When I ask him if he even wants to try to repair this, he flips the question back on me.
— “I’m so sorry, but please stop beating me up”
( Read more... )
The affair is over because my affair partner broke up with me upon finding out I had not broken up with my boyfriend as he had demanded. I want very much to repair things with my boyfriend. This whole experience has shown me how artificial the affair was and how I was willing to throw away my relationship for what was ultimately a facade.
The past two months have been hell — being insulted and called horrible names, constant sarcasm, throwing things I’ve said back in my face, refusal to hear my apologies, etc. My boyfriend has since started dating other people after telling me he’s going to do to me what I did to him: try other people out. How long do I keep fighting to fix this and make amends? At this point, I just agree with everything he says about the affair, even if it’s not true, just to avoid another daily argument. My hope is almost gone, I’m defeated, and he seems to take joy in being mean and hurtful toward me. Do I cut my losses? When I ask him if he even wants to try to repair this, he flips the question back on me.
— “I’m so sorry, but please stop beating me up”
( Read more... )
(no subject)
Dear Pay Dirt,
My brother and his wife recently bought a broken-down house. They asked my husband, who runs his own construction company, for a quote to fix it up. My sister-in-law brightly chimed in, “and we expect the friends and family rate.” Well, my husband immediately drew a hard line.
He responded that he would prefer not to engage in a business agreement with family, as it can lead to misunderstandings, and he recommended another company. Well, my sister-in-law completely lost her mind.
She screamed at him and said that they would never have bought the property if they knew he wasn’t going to help them. It seems that they, without any encouragement, expected him to offer his services at a significant discount and are now in a bind because they cannot afford the reconstruction and will make a huge loss if they sell.
Now my entire family is being drawn into a massively acrimonious discussion. My brother and sister-in-law are claiming we “betrayed them” and left them bankrupt. I get daily calls from my weeping mother begging my husband to reconsider, while my father has threatened to beat him up. It’s insane. I don’t want to lose my family, and I can’t ask my husband to change his mind, so what do I do?
—Built on Sand
( Read more... )
My brother and his wife recently bought a broken-down house. They asked my husband, who runs his own construction company, for a quote to fix it up. My sister-in-law brightly chimed in, “and we expect the friends and family rate.” Well, my husband immediately drew a hard line.
He responded that he would prefer not to engage in a business agreement with family, as it can lead to misunderstandings, and he recommended another company. Well, my sister-in-law completely lost her mind.
She screamed at him and said that they would never have bought the property if they knew he wasn’t going to help them. It seems that they, without any encouragement, expected him to offer his services at a significant discount and are now in a bind because they cannot afford the reconstruction and will make a huge loss if they sell.
Now my entire family is being drawn into a massively acrimonious discussion. My brother and sister-in-law are claiming we “betrayed them” and left them bankrupt. I get daily calls from my weeping mother begging my husband to reconsider, while my father has threatened to beat him up. It’s insane. I don’t want to lose my family, and I can’t ask my husband to change his mind, so what do I do?
—Built on Sand
( Read more... )
(no subject)
Dear Eric: My husband and I have been estranged from our 17-year-old granddaughter for eight years. We were loving, supportive grandparents but after the mother of our granddaughter broke up with our son, the father, she stopped our granddaughter from seeing us as well.
For eight years, I have tried to keep contact with our granddaughter with gifts and cards on her birthday, Christmas and other times. I do not receive a response of any kind from her. We believe her mother forbids her from contacting us.
My question is should I continue to send cards and gifts to her? I’m ready to stop. I don’t want her to forget us but I’m very tired of attempting to reach out to her with no response.
– Estranged Gramma
( Read more... )
For eight years, I have tried to keep contact with our granddaughter with gifts and cards on her birthday, Christmas and other times. I do not receive a response of any kind from her. We believe her mother forbids her from contacting us.
My question is should I continue to send cards and gifts to her? I’m ready to stop. I don’t want her to forget us but I’m very tired of attempting to reach out to her with no response.
– Estranged Gramma
( Read more... )
(no subject)
Dear Eric: I’m married with four kids and have a sizable extended family. One son, who is in seventh grade, runs track and finished the season with personal records in his events, which also happen to place second in his school’s all-time best records.
I sent out a family text to all of our extended family raving about his achievements. This is common amongst all of the aunts and uncles. We got a load of congrats. However, my husband’s brother side-texted my eldest daughter, “tell your brother to stop being first loser.” (He did not text any “congrats” to the group text.)
My daughter showed me the text and chuckled. I’m not sure if she showed my son. I’m so deeply angry about this. I know that everyone will tell me he was joking. Or that I’m misinterpreting his meaning. I just cannot get over it.
My initial feeling is to keep my son as far away from his uncle as possible for the rest of his life. My second feeling is to call said uncle to tell him he is a complete loser himself (which would be super biting as he just got laid off, has to sell his house and downsize everything). I know I won’t do either but I am having a hard time imagining being around him this summer as our families usually get together each summer for a few days.
How do I express by complete disdain for his comments without upsetting the entire extended family? Am I being oversensitive?
– Second to None
( Read more... )
I sent out a family text to all of our extended family raving about his achievements. This is common amongst all of the aunts and uncles. We got a load of congrats. However, my husband’s brother side-texted my eldest daughter, “tell your brother to stop being first loser.” (He did not text any “congrats” to the group text.)
My daughter showed me the text and chuckled. I’m not sure if she showed my son. I’m so deeply angry about this. I know that everyone will tell me he was joking. Or that I’m misinterpreting his meaning. I just cannot get over it.
My initial feeling is to keep my son as far away from his uncle as possible for the rest of his life. My second feeling is to call said uncle to tell him he is a complete loser himself (which would be super biting as he just got laid off, has to sell his house and downsize everything). I know I won’t do either but I am having a hard time imagining being around him this summer as our families usually get together each summer for a few days.
How do I express by complete disdain for his comments without upsetting the entire extended family? Am I being oversensitive?
– Second to None
( Read more... )
masterghandalf (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
masterghandalf) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
das_sporking22025-06-09 07:12 am
masterghandalf) wrote in das_sporking22025-06-09 07:12 amEntry tags:
- fandom: original,
- fic: scrolls of the ancients,
- series: chronicles of blood and stone,
- sporker: masterghandalf,
- warning: abuse,
- warning: controversial issues,
- warning: death/possible death,
- warning: do not want,
- warning: rape (mentioned),
- warning: sexism,
- warning: slavery (mentioned),
- warning: violence
One column, two letters
Link
1. Dear Care and Feeding,
I work from home. My kids are 8 and 12. When they were little, we hired a sitter to watch them on the random days off from school, but they don’t really need a sitter now.
For holidays when they are off and I’m working, my husband and I agreed to a set of rules for them: If the kids help with two small chores, read for 30 minutes, and play outside all before noon, then they can have screen time. The kids reluctantly agreed to this policy.
But they still demand my time. They will complete the list above, then ask to FaceTime with a grandparent (a clever loophole). They come into my office whining that they are bored. They are old enough to help themselves to snacks, but if I don’t supervise, they will eat everything before lunch. I make and serve lunch. Even after lunch, they play on their tablets and mindlessly snack. If they ate everything earlier, they come to my office whining for more snacks.
I feel like my husband is taking advantage of my work-from-home job. I feel like my work and time come second to his. I would like to have a full day off the weekend after one of the school holidays. A day when no one asks me for food or entertainment or a ride somewhere. A day when I’m not picking up after everyone. I don’t need a spa day; I need a day to myself. My husband says that’s not fair because his job doesn’t have working from home as an option, and I can’t just “quit parenting for a day.”
—Holidays Are Not Days Off
( Read more... )
**********
2. Dear Care and Feeding,
When should I let my daughter learn lessons on her own? My daughter “Chloe” is 12 years old. She recently went with her two closest friends to the zoo. She really wanted to wear a summer dress and white sandals and tried to leave the house without wearing sunscreen.
I talked to Chloe and made her go wearing sunscreen, and also shoes that would be better for walking on the dirt paths at the zoo (I couldn’t change her mind about the dress, so I picked my battles). But I’m not sure I like doing that.
She’s 12 now, and none of the consequences would have been disastrous. The next time something like this comes up, should I just let her make her mistakes and experience the consequences?
—When to Intervene
( Read more... )
1. Dear Care and Feeding,
I work from home. My kids are 8 and 12. When they were little, we hired a sitter to watch them on the random days off from school, but they don’t really need a sitter now.
For holidays when they are off and I’m working, my husband and I agreed to a set of rules for them: If the kids help with two small chores, read for 30 minutes, and play outside all before noon, then they can have screen time. The kids reluctantly agreed to this policy.
But they still demand my time. They will complete the list above, then ask to FaceTime with a grandparent (a clever loophole). They come into my office whining that they are bored. They are old enough to help themselves to snacks, but if I don’t supervise, they will eat everything before lunch. I make and serve lunch. Even after lunch, they play on their tablets and mindlessly snack. If they ate everything earlier, they come to my office whining for more snacks.
I feel like my husband is taking advantage of my work-from-home job. I feel like my work and time come second to his. I would like to have a full day off the weekend after one of the school holidays. A day when no one asks me for food or entertainment or a ride somewhere. A day when I’m not picking up after everyone. I don’t need a spa day; I need a day to myself. My husband says that’s not fair because his job doesn’t have working from home as an option, and I can’t just “quit parenting for a day.”
—Holidays Are Not Days Off
( Read more... )
2. Dear Care and Feeding,
When should I let my daughter learn lessons on her own? My daughter “Chloe” is 12 years old. She recently went with her two closest friends to the zoo. She really wanted to wear a summer dress and white sandals and tried to leave the house without wearing sunscreen.
I talked to Chloe and made her go wearing sunscreen, and also shoes that would be better for walking on the dirt paths at the zoo (I couldn’t change her mind about the dress, so I picked my battles). But I’m not sure I like doing that.
She’s 12 now, and none of the consequences would have been disastrous. The next time something like this comes up, should I just let her make her mistakes and experience the consequences?
—When to Intervene
( Read more... )
I don't know why this was sent to Pay Dirt, but Pay Dirt gave excellent advice the LW will not heed
Dear Pay Dirt,
Our next-door neighbors were really welcoming when we first moved into our new home. Within weeks, though, they started complaining that our son was too loud and that he was “bothering” their dogs. He’s 5 years old and rambunctious, and he’s attracted to furry animals, which makes it really hard to keep him away from fun, furry floofs!
We tried talking it out with our neighbors, but they lodged a complaint with our HOA, presented us with a massive bill for repainting their fence after our son drew on it with chalk, and twice called the police because he was “trespassing” on their property (he entered their garden uninvited to play with their dogs).
We’re at our wits end. We are seriously considering selling up and moving, as we can’t reasonably expect a child to forever remain indoors. But it will result in a loss we cannot afford.
Is there any way to fix this situation? We feel like we’re being bullied out of our home, but our neighbors are operating well within the law and their rights.
—Homewrecker
( Read more... )
Our next-door neighbors were really welcoming when we first moved into our new home. Within weeks, though, they started complaining that our son was too loud and that he was “bothering” their dogs. He’s 5 years old and rambunctious, and he’s attracted to furry animals, which makes it really hard to keep him away from fun, furry floofs!
We tried talking it out with our neighbors, but they lodged a complaint with our HOA, presented us with a massive bill for repainting their fence after our son drew on it with chalk, and twice called the police because he was “trespassing” on their property (he entered their garden uninvited to play with their dogs).
We’re at our wits end. We are seriously considering selling up and moving, as we can’t reasonably expect a child to forever remain indoors. But it will result in a loss we cannot afford.
Is there any way to fix this situation? We feel like we’re being bullied out of our home, but our neighbors are operating well within the law and their rights.
—Homewrecker
( Read more... )
timemidae (timemidae) wrote in little_details2025-06-05 07:17 pm
timemidae) wrote in little_details2025-06-05 07:17 pmCatholic school 1940's Quebec
Hi!
I've been reading up on the historical Catholic school system in Quebec, and I've gathered that until 1960 there were commonly Catholic schools that were supported by public funds (officially ended in the 90's). I've been able to find the names of some of the girl's schools, but haven't been able to easily find the names of any of the mixed or boy's schools below the high school level.
Anyone know any specific schools that could have served a 10-year old, working class, Catholic boy in Montreal or Quebec City ~1940?
Thanks!
I've been reading up on the historical Catholic school system in Quebec, and I've gathered that until 1960 there were commonly Catholic schools that were supported by public funds (officially ended in the 90's). I've been able to find the names of some of the girl's schools, but haven't been able to easily find the names of any of the mixed or boy's schools below the high school level.
Anyone know any specific schools that could have served a 10-year old, working class, Catholic boy in Montreal or Quebec City ~1940?
Thanks!
wychwood (wychwood) wrote in girlmeetstrouble2025-06-05 06:53 pm
wychwood) wrote in girlmeetstrouble2025-06-05 06:53 pmEntry tags:
The Gabriel Hounds, Chapters 11 and 12
Picking up until aella_irene can resurface!
( Chapter 11 )
( Chapter 12 )
The atmosphere of menace is somewhat lighter in these chapters. I did enjoy the description of the bath! And also all the flowers around the border post. Also nice to read about immigration officials who are, while not able to help Christie, also not bullying or unpleasant; of course, being an upper-middle-class white woman in the Middle East of this era probably helps a lot, but it's a bit of a contrast to most of the stories you hear these days - no one even handcuffs Christie and deports her to a random third country! Amazing.
Charles is still being mysterious, but actually I didn't think his letter was too bad - I didn't blame her for being annoyed, but it felt like that was more about the situation than his specific choices. Her dad was also quite reasonable, and entirely willing to validate her annoyance even while he also wanted her to stay put! Something is Up, and I suspect he has guessed more of it than Christie has yet.
But what a frustrating cliffhanger! Tune in next time to find out more, maybe??
aella_irene can resurface!( Chapter 11 )
( Chapter 12 )
The atmosphere of menace is somewhat lighter in these chapters. I did enjoy the description of the bath! And also all the flowers around the border post. Also nice to read about immigration officials who are, while not able to help Christie, also not bullying or unpleasant; of course, being an upper-middle-class white woman in the Middle East of this era probably helps a lot, but it's a bit of a contrast to most of the stories you hear these days - no one even handcuffs Christie and deports her to a random third country! Amazing.
Charles is still being mysterious, but actually I didn't think his letter was too bad - I didn't blame her for being annoyed, but it felt like that was more about the situation than his specific choices. Her dad was also quite reasonable, and entirely willing to validate her annoyance even while he also wanted her to stay put! Something is Up, and I suspect he has guessed more of it than Christie has yet.
But what a frustrating cliffhanger! Tune in next time to find out more, maybe??
minoanmiss (minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2025-06-05 10:07 am
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2025-06-05 10:07 amEntry tags: