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blueinkedfrostOnce upon a time, there was a lusty woman with red hair, who was married to a man who was one hundred percent gay.
Dissatisfied with her husband’s lack of interest, the wife soon found an attractive lover. Whenever her husband was away, she invited her lover to stay and help her work off her frustrations, and she became much happier in her marriage.
One day, she and her husband were invited to dine with a friend. The woman had already made arrangements with her lover, so she feigned a headache to stay at home, knowing that the friend and his wife would host a dinner such that her husband would be well out of the way for most of the night.
Alas for best laid plans! No sooner had the wife’s lover arrived and the two of them begun to set about their business, than did her husband return. Frightened, the wife told her lover to hide in the hen-coop.
“Prepare me a good dinner, wife; I have been cheated out of mine,” grumbled the husband. “No sooner did we sit down at table than we heard a sneeze. Madam spilt a pepperpot and sneezed on purpose, yet we knew the sneeze came not from the table - but from the cupboard! That wicked woman had concealed her lover there! Such a fuss ensued from her husband, and I never did get my supper.”
The wife, all too conscious of her own misconduct, set about to heartily agree with her husband. “Only a truly wicked, despicable, and depraved woman would do such a thing!” she told her husband. “An immoral woman like that cannot be trusted! That madam ought to be tied to the back of an ass and whipped through the town.”
But then a noise from her chicken coop caused her to rush to her window - and her husband too. Her lover had left his hand outside the chicken coop, only to be trampled upon by the ass in the yard. He cried out in pain. As much as the woman tried to assure her husband that the noise was nothing, he stalked out to the chicken coop and returned dragging his wife’s lover behind him.
“What were you saying about immoral women, darling?” her husband asked.
The lusty red-haired wife was not a cowardly woman. Moreover, she noticed something interesting in the way her husband looked at her handsome young lover, and the way that her lover looked back at him.
“I declare the two cases are entirely different,” said the lusty red-haired wife. “Women suffer from a lack of love-making. We cannot divert ourselves with business and hobbies as men do. All we are good for is to love while we are young, and build up a store of memories to savour when we are old. Madam your friend is not married to a gay man. Her husband would serve her any time she asked for it, so she had no right to look elsewhere. You, on the other hand, have always deprived me. I had every right to get the sustenance you refused to provide. Do you think that there is a way we could settle this peacably?”
And then, dear reader, the three of them lived happily ever after.
Dissatisfied with her husband’s lack of interest, the wife soon found an attractive lover. Whenever her husband was away, she invited her lover to stay and help her work off her frustrations, and she became much happier in her marriage.
One day, she and her husband were invited to dine with a friend. The woman had already made arrangements with her lover, so she feigned a headache to stay at home, knowing that the friend and his wife would host a dinner such that her husband would be well out of the way for most of the night.
Alas for best laid plans! No sooner had the wife’s lover arrived and the two of them begun to set about their business, than did her husband return. Frightened, the wife told her lover to hide in the hen-coop.
“Prepare me a good dinner, wife; I have been cheated out of mine,” grumbled the husband. “No sooner did we sit down at table than we heard a sneeze. Madam spilt a pepperpot and sneezed on purpose, yet we knew the sneeze came not from the table - but from the cupboard! That wicked woman had concealed her lover there! Such a fuss ensued from her husband, and I never did get my supper.”
The wife, all too conscious of her own misconduct, set about to heartily agree with her husband. “Only a truly wicked, despicable, and depraved woman would do such a thing!” she told her husband. “An immoral woman like that cannot be trusted! That madam ought to be tied to the back of an ass and whipped through the town.”
But then a noise from her chicken coop caused her to rush to her window - and her husband too. Her lover had left his hand outside the chicken coop, only to be trampled upon by the ass in the yard. He cried out in pain. As much as the woman tried to assure her husband that the noise was nothing, he stalked out to the chicken coop and returned dragging his wife’s lover behind him.
“What were you saying about immoral women, darling?” her husband asked.
The lusty red-haired wife was not a cowardly woman. Moreover, she noticed something interesting in the way her husband looked at her handsome young lover, and the way that her lover looked back at him.
“I declare the two cases are entirely different,” said the lusty red-haired wife. “Women suffer from a lack of love-making. We cannot divert ourselves with business and hobbies as men do. All we are good for is to love while we are young, and build up a store of memories to savour when we are old. Madam your friend is not married to a gay man. Her husband would serve her any time she asked for it, so she had no right to look elsewhere. You, on the other hand, have always deprived me. I had every right to get the sustenance you refused to provide. Do you think that there is a way we could settle this peacably?”
And then, dear reader, the three of them lived happily ever after.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-10 12:13 am (UTC)I wonder if you might enjoy a recent film, The Little Hours, which is a modern adaptation of this and a couple of other stories in the Decameron. I sometimes found the language a little strong (though I should not have been surprised), but it was well-acted and very funny.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-11 12:21 am (UTC)I am rather fond of the Decameron's quaint euphemism for male homosexuality - "as fond of women as a dog is of the stick".