blueinkedfrost | Reading

masterghandalf posting in

das_sporking2

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Current Location: Ost-in-Edhil
Current Music: Battle for Eregion

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Annie: I have always felt like the odd one out in my family. I love them deeply, but I cannot ignore the quiet, persistent feeling that I do not quite belong. My two younger brothers, "Tom" and "Michael," are close with each other and with our parents, especially our mom. They talk every day, go on trips together and always seem to be in sync.

I, on the other hand, have always felt different. I was more sensitive, more artistic and more emotional growing up. While they were into sports and fixing things with Dad, I was reading, journaling or off by myself. I was teased for being "too dramatic" or "too much," and I learned early on to keep my feelings to myself.

Now that we are adults, not much has changed. Family group chats often go on without me. I find out about birthdays or get-togethers after the fact. When I try to bring it up gently, I get told I'm imagining things or taking things too personally. My mom says she loves me just as much, but I still feel like I'm standing on the outside looking in.

I want to be part of the family, not just in name but in heart. I want to feel seen, heard and valued -- not like the extra piece that doesn't quite fit. Is there anything I can do to shift this dynamic, or is it time to accept that things may never change? -- Outside in My Family

( Annie's advice is better than I would've hoped for )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

1. DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law had their first child three months ago. This was the first grandchild on both sides. Her mother stayed with her for two weeks after the cesarean birth. I have no issues with that.

My issue is, my son told me I needed to leave when they and the baby came home from the hospital. Mind you, I live 6 1/2 hours away. I fought him to get at least three days when they got home. Then he said I needed to leave, but he never told his father-in-law to leave. Also, on the days I did stay, they asked me to get a motel while her parents stayed with them. I only got to go over during the day.

When I told my son my feelings were hurt, he said I was being a drama queen. I did respect everything they asked. I just want to know if I was wrong for sharing my feelings or should I have remained quiet. It has caused friction between us now. -- SECOND-CLASS IN TENNESSEE

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2. DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old son, who is on the spectrum but high-functioning, has left home. He's legally an adult but wouldn't allow me to teach him normal survival skills, such as balancing a checkbook, paying with a debit card, etc. He knows very little about the world; he learns from his online friends.

It has been four months, and he has now changed his phone number and won't call, email or text. He moved across the country to live with an online friend. I'm very concerned about him. What should I do? I don't email him often, but when I do, I just tell him I love him, and I never say anything negative. -- LOST IN CALIFORNIA

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Care and Feeding,

I just learned my son has been doing something truly vile.

The warmer weather has been back in our area for a little over a month now. Many of our friends and relatives have swimming pools (we do, too). Last weekend, we were at my sister’s place and had been in the pool for a good three hours when it came time to leave. Before we went home, I asked my 7-year-old son, “Noah” if he needed to use the restroom, and he said, “No.”

On the drive back home, I joked that Noah must have a bladder of steel since he’d had no fewer than three iced teas while he was in the pool! Noah replied that no, he just urinated when he was in the pool, so he didn’t have to get out and use the bathroom. I was horrified and asked if this was something he had done before. He said, “All the time.”

I laid down the law with him. I made clear that this was never to happen again. I explained how harmful and disrespectful it was to everyone in the water around him and that it throws the pool chemicals out of balance. Noah agreed not to do it again, but I’m not sure I completely trust him. I got the sense he didn’t seem to think he did anything wrong. What can I do to make sure he keeps his word?

—Parent of a Pool Pisser

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wychwood posting in

girlmeetstrouble

Sorry I'm a day late! Life intervened.

( Chapter 17 )

( Chapter 18 )

Not much time covered in these two but they're pretty action-packed! The description of the fire is really beautiful, and I liked the juxtaposition of the calm descriptive prose and the terror which Christy and the animals are feeling about it. She does a good job of keeping herself safe through everything, but Charles' arrival is a great relief! And finally they're both out, free, and together.

masterghandalf posting in

das_sporking2

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Current Location: The Twisted Tower
Current Music: Thick as Thieves

minoanmiss posting in

agonyaunt

Original post

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minoanmiss posting in

agonyaunt

Original Post

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masterghandalf posting in

das_sporking2

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Current Location: Coruscant
Current Music: The Force Theme

pangolin20 posting in

das_sporking2

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Carolyn: Self-admitted crabby old broad here. My newish next-door neighbors are 24/7 noise. While the apartment is a studio, I can hear at least two adults and two children — one infant, one toddler.

The kids are up at all hours — either screaming in delight and running around or wailing in misery. The adults yell all the time. Movies, TV and music all play at incredible volume, and now a dog was added to the mix. It howls and cries whenever they leave it alone.

I don’t want to be That Person, but I’m tired of asking them, at 1 a.m., to turn down the TV, music, etc. Do I report them to the condo board? They are tenants. I’m hesitant, as I worry this studio may be the only space they can afford, but also frustrated by the noise.

— Crabby Old Broad

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Care and Feeding,
My husband and I have a 7-year-old daughter, “Jade,” who my mother-in-law, “Pam,” is in the habit of buying clothes for without consulting us. These are always girly-girl things—mostly dresses, lots of pink—and Jade is absolutely not a girly-girl. She refuses to wear them, and we end up donating them.

The trouble is that Pam takes offense that she never sees Jade wearing “what I worked so hard to pick out” and has even gone so far as to guilt her: “Don’t you like what Nanna gave you?” I have tried explaining to my MIL that while we appreciate her generosity, Jade simply isn’t into those types of things, but she refuses to accept it and thinks that our daughter will come to like them “once she matures.” My husband says we should just carry on as we have and let her waste her money if she wants. Pam has four boys, so he thinks that’s where this is coming from (Jade is her only granddaughter so far). Is that the right approach?

—Dress Distress

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ysobel posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Eric: My sister-in-law made quilts for two of her nieces. They unwrapped them to oohs, aahs and applause on Christmas Eve at my house. My daughter did not receive a gift. I sent a polite email to sister-in-law explaining that my daughter was disappointed. I received a snail mail reply that included a gift certificate and a note. Sister-in-law wrote that I was a bully and stated that she would never set foot in my house again. She hasn’t for several years. What should I do?

— Stitchy Situation

Situation: Your sister-in-law’s reaction was a bit extreme, all things considered (or at least all things detailed in your letter). This suggests to me that maybe there’s something else under it for her, whether it’s other issues she has with your relationship or a sensitivity around the particular gift. Or maybe her feelings were hurt by your email, even though it was polite.

The best way to sort it all out is by asking. It’s been years and she hasn’t come back, so I’m curious what your relationship is like outside of visits. Has this escalated to grudge territory? Does she speak to you at all? If she doesn’t, you may have to make a bigger gesture in order to reset things. Telling her, “I don’t like what happened between us” and “I’m sorry for my part” could help lay a foundation for reconciliation.

Try, if you can, not to let the conversation get too caught up in what happened years ago, though. The gift card, the email, et cetera. All the details can become places where you both get stuck relitigating and rehashing. Instead, focus on the objective of the conversation — you want to re-establish contact. It will also help to have a concrete goal, as well as an emotional one. Perhaps something like extending an invitation for her to come for lunch.

If she’s not receptive to a phone call or face-to-face conversation, an email or letter will work, but a spoken conversation is vastly more effective.

masterghandalf posting in

das_sporking2

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Current Location: Sanctuary
Current Music: The Brethren Court

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of six and a grandma to four. We are a close family and enjoy each other's company. My mom is nearly 80. For reasons I could never understand, she didn't enjoy my children when they were growing up and didn't connect deeply with them. She once commented to me that she was bored with women her age because they were "obsessed" with their grandchildren and she wanted deeper conversations.

Mom moved away and would mostly visit just for holidays and birthdays. When the children tried to share things that were going on in their lives, she wasn't interested, and we eventually stopped inviting her to sports events and recitals because she seemed annoyed to be there.

Now that her grands have almost reached adulthood, my mother wants to connect with them. She texts them often and sometimes invites them to visit. They respond politely, and a couple have gone to visit her, but none seem interested in a deeper relationship. This bothers her, and she has been asking me to pressure them to visit her and include her in their lives more. But to them, she is a distant relative. They don't feel close to her.

What is my responsibility now? I wish they had a closer relationship with my mom, but I feel awkward telling busy young adults they must plan trips to visit someone who didn't try to establish relationships with them when they were young. Any advice? -- TORN DAUGHTER IN WASHINGTON

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

DEAR ABBY: In the four years my husband and I have been married, his distaste for the LGBTQ community has grown into a passion. He calls it immoral and unnatural. I've never tried to change his opinion, but because I don't enthusiastically agree with him, he is convinced I'm going to hell. He uses nearly every conversation as an opportunity to share his feelings on this issue. Any response I volunteer goes unheard.

Shortly after our wedding, my father revealed he is gay. Thankfully, my husband can be kind to him while disapproving of his sexuality. I'm not sure Dad knows the extent of my husband's negative feelings. (They live in different states, so they rarely see each other.)

My problem is, my father recently became engaged to his partner, and I'm not sure how to tell my husband. I'm not asking him to agree with my dad's life, but I don't want him to steal my joy over this event or make me feel guilty for going to their wedding. I will certainly be going alone. Advice, Abby? -- ALLY IN MICHIGAN

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

DEAR ABBY: I was sexually abused as a child. Because of this, as an adult woman, I have issues around being touched. I have had therapy, and I am doing much better, but I'm still uncomfortable with physical contact. I simply request that people ask me before they touch me, and I usually agree.

The issue is my mother-in-law. She refuses to ask before touching me and often pulls me into unwanted hugs or comes up behind me. I have explained to her about my history, so she knows why I want her to ask me first, but she brushes it off and says she isn't going to hurt me. One time she said, "What? Do you think I'm going to attack you?" No, I don't think she is going to attack me. This issue is about me, not her, but she doesn't understand that.

My husband throws up his hands and refuses to get involved, as he hates being put in the middle. How can I make her understand that I need her to ask before putting her hands on me? -- PROTECTIVE IN ILLINOIS

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masterghandalf posting in

das_sporking2

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Current Location: Low Rythryn Towers
Current Music: Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Care and Feeding,

My wife, “Minerva,” and I have a 6-year-old son, “Blaine.”

When Blaine was just under 1, Minerva and I began to have issues getting along. I started an affair with “Wendy,” Minerva’s sister. Less than a year into the affair, Wendy ended up pregnant and had a son, “Cameron.” She told everyone she conceived through a sperm donor.

The affair lasted another two years, when we decided we both could not continue on with it.

The boys are close and love spending time together. The trouble is that as they have gotten older, they are resembling each other more and more—and they both look like me.

Luckily Blaine is blond like his mother, which makes it slightly less obvious, though not much. Lately Wendy and I have been taking steps to try and keep them apart, or at least have them see each other for playdates and outings without Minerva present.

However, we know we can’t keep this up. Wendy suggested that should could request a transfer to another state through work. We both agreed that would be the best thing, even if I don’t get to see my younger son grow up.

Would there ever be an appropriate time to confess the truth to my wife, or is this one of those things you take to your grave? Minerva and I have managed to repair our relationship in the last couple of years, and I don’t want to jeopardize that.

—No Such Thing as the Best of Both Worlds

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Prudence,

I would never cut off my family, and I don’t think of them as “toxic” or any of those buzzwords, but we aren’t close. We talk on holidays and they attended my wedding celebration, but we don’t really know each other. My parents focused on my brother growing up, and I was just kind of also there. When I was 15, my brother had some more intense issues and my parents moved out of state to give him a fresh start. My best friend’s parents offered to take me in so I could finish high school in my hometown. It was the best thing anyone could have possibly done for me. They parented me in a way I’d never experienced and, although I was difficult, they were patient. I thrived with them. I went on to get an apprenticeship, build a small business, and marry a wonderful man. We co-own a duplex with my best friend and her spouse, and are close with his family and hers. We plan to raise kids together. I feel like my family is here, and complete. But then my beloved brother changed everything.

Completely unexpectedly to me, my brother sharply cut off our parents this winter. I have no idea why. They’re responding by pouring all that energy and money my way for the first time in my life. It’s very weird and uncomfortable, and I don’t know how to get them to stop. I’ve been dodging their calls and texts, but they’ve escalated to mailing gifts, and pushing for a visit. How do I politely shut them down and keep our normal level of contact?

—I Barely Know Them

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October 2024

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Page Summary

masterghandalf in das_sporking2 - Fellowship of the King Book II Chapter Four: The Forging of the Ring, Part Two
conuly in agonyaunt - The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference
conuly in agonyaunt - Gosh, I wonder why these adult kids don't want their overbearing parents in their lives...!
conuly in agonyaunt - (no subject)
wychwood in girlmeetstrouble - The Gabriel Hounds, Chapters 17 and 18
masterghandalf in das_sporking2 - All Shadows Fled Chapter Fifteen: Travel Far, See Much - And Try to Survive
minoanmiss in agonyaunt - Ask a Manager: Should I Have Called The Police?
minoanmiss in agonyaunt - Ask a Manager: Should I Tell My Boss About My Coworker's Heart Attack?
masterghandalf in das_sporking2 - MG Reads Star Wars: Dark Empire
pangolin20 in das_sporking2 - Eragon: Chapter Twenty-Seven: Of Reading and Plots
conuly in agonyaunt - (no subject)
conuly in agonyaunt - (no subject)
ysobel in agonyaunt - Gimme a quilt!
masterghandalf in das_sporking2 - The Scrolls of the Ancients: Chapter Forty-Two, Chapter Forty-Three and Chapter Forty-Four
conuly in agonyaunt - (no subject)
conuly in agonyaunt - (no subject)
conuly in agonyaunt - (no subject)
masterghandalf in das_sporking2 - All Shadows Fled Chapter Fourteen: High Evenfeast at Low Rythryn
conuly in agonyaunt - (no subject)
conuly in agonyaunt - Toxic: It's not just a buzzword!

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