blueinkedfrost | Reading

conuly posting in

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1. Dear Care and Feeding,

I work from home. My kids are 8 and 12. When they were little, we hired a sitter to watch them on the random days off from school, but they don’t really need a sitter now.

For holidays when they are off and I’m working, my husband and I agreed to a set of rules for them: If the kids help with two small chores, read for 30 minutes, and play outside all before noon, then they can have screen time. The kids reluctantly agreed to this policy.

But they still demand my time. They will complete the list above, then ask to FaceTime with a grandparent (a clever loophole). They come into my office whining that they are bored. They are old enough to help themselves to snacks, but if I don’t supervise, they will eat everything before lunch. I make and serve lunch. Even after lunch, they play on their tablets and mindlessly snack. If they ate everything earlier, they come to my office whining for more snacks.

I feel like my husband is taking advantage of my work-from-home job. I feel like my work and time come second to his. I would like to have a full day off the weekend after one of the school holidays. A day when no one asks me for food or entertainment or a ride somewhere. A day when I’m not picking up after everyone. I don’t need a spa day; I need a day to myself. My husband says that’s not fair because his job doesn’t have working from home as an option, and I can’t just “quit parenting for a day.”

—Holidays Are Not Days Off

( Read more... )

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2. Dear Care and Feeding,

When should I let my daughter learn lessons on her own? My daughter “Chloe” is 12 years old. She recently went with her two closest friends to the zoo. She really wanted to wear a summer dress and white sandals and tried to leave the house without wearing sunscreen.

I talked to Chloe and made her go wearing sunscreen, and also shoes that would be better for walking on the dirt paths at the zoo (I couldn’t change her mind about the dress, so I picked my battles). But I’m not sure I like doing that.

She’s 12 now, and none of the consequences would have been disastrous. The next time something like this comes up, should I just let her make her mistakes and experience the consequences?

—When to Intervene

( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Pay Dirt,

Our next-door neighbors were really welcoming when we first moved into our new home. Within weeks, though, they started complaining that our son was too loud and that he was “bothering” their dogs. He’s 5 years old and rambunctious, and he’s attracted to furry animals, which makes it really hard to keep him away from fun, furry floofs!

We tried talking it out with our neighbors, but they lodged a complaint with our HOA, presented us with a massive bill for repainting their fence after our son drew on it with chalk, and twice called the police because he was “trespassing” on their property (he entered their garden uninvited to play with their dogs).

We’re at our wits end. We are seriously considering selling up and moving, as we can’t reasonably expect a child to forever remain indoors. But it will result in a loss we cannot afford.

Is there any way to fix this situation? We feel like we’re being bullied out of our home, but our neighbors are operating well within the law and their rights.

—Homewrecker

( Read more... )

masterghandalf posting in

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astra_aurora posting in

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timemidae posting in

little_details

Hi!

I've been reading up on the historical Catholic school system in Quebec, and I've gathered that until 1960 there were commonly Catholic schools that were supported by public funds (officially ended in the 90's). I've been able to find the names of some of the girl's schools, but haven't been able to easily find the names of any of the mixed or boy's schools below the high school level.

Anyone know any specific schools that could have served a 10-year old, working class, Catholic boy in Montreal or Quebec City ~1940?

Thanks!

wychwood posting in

girlmeetstrouble

Picking up until

aella_irene can resurface!

( Chapter 11 )

( Chapter 12 )

The atmosphere of menace is somewhat lighter in these chapters. I did enjoy the description of the bath! And also all the flowers around the border post. Also nice to read about immigration officials who are, while not able to help Christie, also not bullying or unpleasant; of course, being an upper-middle-class white woman in the Middle East of this era probably helps a lot, but it's a bit of a contrast to most of the stories you hear these days - no one even handcuffs Christie and deports her to a random third country! Amazing.

Charles is still being mysterious, but actually I didn't think his letter was too bad - I didn't blame her for being annoyed, but it felt like that was more about the situation than his specific choices. Her dad was also quite reasonable, and entirely willing to validate her annoyance even while he also wanted her to stay put! Something is Up, and I suspect he has guessed more of it than Christie has yet.

But what a frustrating cliffhanger! Tune in next time to find out more, maybe??

minoanmiss posting in

agonyaunt

Twists and revelations!

( Read more... )

minoanmiss posting in

agonyaunt

A Reder Writes: ( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

1. Dear Annie: I'm a brokenhearted Nana who could really use your advice.

I have a 10-month-old grandson whom I adore, but I'm not allowed to kiss him -- not even on the back of his head. Recently, in a moment of pure affection, I forgot and gently kissed the back of his head. It was instinctual. I love him so much, it just happened.

The reaction was swift and harsh. I was scolded and now I'm not allowed to hold him unless he's sitting on my lap, facing away from me. To make matters worse, I'm only allowed to see him every other weekend for two hours, and someone has to be in the room to supervise me the entire time.

I've tried to talk to my son about it, but any attempt leads to an argument or a shutdown. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells just to be near my grandson, and my heart is breaking.

Is there anything I can do in this situation? I feel so lost. -- Heartbroken Nana

( Read more... )

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2. Dear Annie: I've been dating a wonderful man for five years, and for the most part, our relationship is strong and loving. We don't live together, so we typically see each other just a couple of times a week, with more time together when we go on vacation. That time feels precious to me. But lately, I've found myself increasingly frustrated, and I'm not sure how to bring it up without sounding jealous or petty.

The issue is his 30-year-old son, who calls or texts him constantly, even when we're on vacation. It's not about emergencies -- just frequent check-ins or casual conversations that end up interrupting our time together. I understand and respect the bond between a father and son, but I can't help feeling like a third wheel when we're supposed to be enjoying quality time as a couple.

I don't want to compete for attention, and I certainly don't want to damage their relationship. I just wish my partner could create some boundaries during our time together so we can stay focused on each other.

How can I bring this up in a way that's honest but kind, and without sounding like I'm being unreasonable? -- Feeling Overlooked

( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

DEAR ABBY: I see a psychiatrist and psychologist for generalized anxiety disorder, major depression disorder and borderline personality disorder. According to my doctors, my psychiatric disorders are a result of the 44 years of abuse I received from my mother, as well as the abuse she allowed others to inflict on me.

Her physical abuse stopped when I fought back at 17. When I was 18, it was the last time her precious prince of a son raised his fist to me because I told him I'd press charges and have him arrested. The sexual abuse had stopped when I was 12, and I realized she'd known what had been happening the whole time. It also ended my wanting a relationship with my mother, but her emotional abuse continued until she died in 2013.

I am being told that, because she's dead, I should just let it go. My siblings backed her because they wanted to be in Mommy's good graces. After years of hatred and abuse, I believed the only family I had were my own two children, but even they are cold to me now. They scold me -- "Your mother's dead. Get over it." How do I explain that when abuse starts before a child can walk, you DON'T just "get over it"? -- BLEEDING HEART IN OHIO

( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Carolyn: I was very fortunate that my parents raised me to appreciate simplicity and avoid greed and excess. Now I’m in love with a wonderful woman whose family lives what I consider a toxic lifestyle.

Examples: They serve too much food for parties and holidays — more than can be eaten not just on that day, but on several days; they exchange so many useless gifts at every giving occasion (Christmas, birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, etc.); their closets are stuffed with more clothing and shoes than you could wear in a lifetime; their home is overflowing with furniture, tchotchkes and other useless things.

Since we’ve gotten more serious, I’ve mentioned just a couple of times to my girlfriend how damaging her parents’ and siblings’ lifestyle is. Recently, she snapped at me to let up on being “so judgmental” about her family. I always thought we were on the same wavelength, since she herself lives pretty simply. Now I’m afraid her more minimalist lifestyle is because she’s just starting out, and she’ll eventually adopt her family’s behavior as she gets more successful.

I love her and don’t want to break up, but I’d hate to marry and raise children with someone who would expect to live like that. It seems like a sore subject, and I don’t want to harp on it, but I do need some reassurance. How should I ask about this?

— Worried

( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Carolyn: I’m the youngest of five children, and throughout my whole life, my family members never cease to remind me of this in either a neutral or a derogatory way. Anytime I ask people to knock it off, they tell me I’m too sensitive and “you’ll always be the baby, so stop complaining.”

Now middle-aged, I have the average health problems of getting older. But instead of sympathy and understanding, I get: “You’re too young to have your knee replaced. Do you know how to get a second opinion?” “If you’re having back problems, then that must mean I’m REALLY old!” “How are you on blood pressure medicine already? You’re just a teenager.”

It’s bad enough my family doesn’t really know me as an adult. Yes, I’ve got friends and a (somewhat) understanding husband, but even on an information diet, my family cannot resist making a comment about my being the youngest. Where do I go from here, besides screaming?

— Everyone Else Got to Grow Up

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masterghandalf posting in

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Care and Feeding,

My relationship with my much younger sister, “Charity,” has always been a volatile one. Recently, our grandmother passed away and Charity stole some jewelry that had been promised to me, likely when she last visited our grandmother’s place before she went into hospice. She claims not to know where it is, but a friend who works at a restaurant she frequents said she saw her come in wearing our grandmother’s necklace; Charity, of course, is saying she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. My 15-year-old daughter, “Zarra,” knows how upset I am about the whole thing and is just as angry. However, I didn’t expect that she would take matters into her own hands—and oh my god did she…

Last week, I learned through my mother that Charity broke up with her fiancé because she learned he was cheating on her and had fathered a child with another woman. When I told Zarra that her aunt had gotten a dose of karma, she replied, “Thanks to me.” I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach and asked her what she meant. Zarra explained that she had given her friend “Lisa’s” college-age brother money to purchase a burner phone for her. She then had Lisa call up Charity pretending to be a woman who was trying to track Charity’s fiancé down so she could sue him for child support. Zarra said Charity had been so furious that they could hear her screaming at Lisa through the phone from four feet away. She laughed and said she’d never expected the prank to actually work, but was glad it did.

I am truly at a loss as to what to do here. On the one hand, Zarra did a very devious thing and involved her friend and her friend’s brother in it. But on the other hand, if I’m being honest, it was extremely gratifying to see my bitch sister finally get a taste of her own medicine—she’s spent her life taking advantage of people and is an all-around shitty person. My husband thought the whole thing was brilliant. Should I punish Zarra and inform Lisa’s parents of their kids’ role in what my daughter did, or is this one of those things that cancels itself out?

—Secretly Pleased

( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Link

1. Dear Care and Feeding,

Growing up, I had tons of friends and was always on the go and immersed in extracurricular activities. My 7-year-old daughter, “Maisy,” simply isn’t interested in people. She has exactly three friends and would rather spend her time reading and studying the birds, squirrels, bugs, and plants in our backyard. She doesn’t have much use for cartoons, like other kids; she would sooner watch science and nature documentaries. I had her tested, and she’s not on the spectrum, so that’s not what Maisy’s problem is. I feel like she’s missing out on so much by not being more sociable. How can I convince her that being the smartest person in the room won’t do her a bit of good if people don’t like her because she has no idea how to interact with other humans?

—Emotional Intelligence Matters Too

( Read more... )

************

2. Dear Care and Feeding,

My 11-year-old son, “William,” has been interested in magic and illusions for about a year. For his last birthday, my husband and I got him a magic set. William had been greatly enjoying it until my moronic brother “Justin” said something disgusting to him that Justin insists was “just a joke.” After Easter, for which the entire family had gotten together, I came across William’s magic set in the garbage. I asked him why he’d thrown it away, and he said Justin had told him that all magicians are gay and that if he keeps doing magic, he will turn gay too. This upset him (unfortunately, the kids at his school have reached the phase where “gay” is used as an insult). I told him that what Uncle Justin said wasn’t true: People don’t “turn” LGBTQ+, they are born that way, and in any case, there is nothing wrong with being LGBTQ+. I then gave Justin a call.

My brother howled with laughter when I told him that William had thrown out his magic set and why. Justin claimed he’d said it, “just said it to mess with him.” I told him he needed to set the record straight with William, make it clear that he’d made it up, and confirm what I’d already told him about how being LGBTQ+ is not a bad thing. Justin claimed I was making too big a deal over it. He said William should take this as a lesson in learning not to believe everything people tell him. I told him that until he was ready to apologize and tell William the truth, we would be taking a break from seeing him, and I hung up. My parents think I’m in the wrong and that I’m making too much of “a harmless prank.” They are accusing me of causing problems in the family. I don’t think I am. My husband agrees with me and says he’ll support whatever I feel is right. Is this the best option, even if it gets me on the wrong side of my parents?

—Under No Illusions: My Brother Was Wrong

( Read more... )

minoanmiss posting in

agonyaunt

Actual ttitle: Help! My New Boyfriend Couldn’t Be More Different Than My Group of Friends. It Spells Trouble.

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Current Mood: annoyed

minoanmiss posting in

agonyaunt

Now I’m Pregnant With His Baby.

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masterghandalf posting in

das_sporking2

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elisheva_m posting in

little_details

I'm trying to write a scene where two co-workers are trouble-shooting a new custom security or encryption routine. Someone else (who isn't present) wrote the code and he will have been careful to ensure it works before sending it to them. So maybe something in the implementation of it?

The scene is dual purpose, showing their interaction growing closer while also hiding something else in plain sight. The tech part of it can be whatever is plausible and easy to convey without bogging it down in details. I am so out of touch with that sort of thing I don't know what's plausible any more.

What could go wrong with uploading the new code into their office network or onto their phones which would need a bit of trouble-shooting? The kind of thing one person might overlook and another catch. Preferably with them being literally close while they do this. And again - easy to convey without bogging it down in details. Jargon is fine.

Edit: Turns out jargon is not fine. Well it would be in the sense I meant, but that's not how it was taken. Am overwhelmed by how much I can't understand well enough to follow here, let alone distill into a few phrases. I know the readers for my lakorn-novel are non-existent but I can't swamp them with details.

Edit 2: Sorry to have bothered everyone. I'm just going to trash this. It was a stupid idea in the first place. Thank you for your time.

minoanmiss posting in

agonyaunt

I am having trouble including the link, due to not being able to see properly. sorry about that.

1. Manager husband is cheating with a much younger employee ( Read more... )

2. My employee has terrible attendance issues … in this economy? ( Read more... )

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blueinkedfrost

October 2024

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Page Summary

conuly in agonyaunt - One column, two letters
conuly in agonyaunt - I don't know why this was sent to Pay Dirt, but Pay Dirt gave excellent advice the LW will not heed
masterghandalf in das_sporking2 - All Shadows Fled Chapter Twelve: Whistling, the Wizard Met His End
astra_aurora in das_sporking2 - Letterkenny: S10E1- King Of Suckers
timemidae in little_details - Catholic school 1940's Quebec
wychwood in girlmeetstrouble - The Gabriel Hounds, Chapters 11 and 12
minoanmiss in agonyaunt - Ask a Manager: Job Candidate Got into A Fight With My Wife
minoanmiss in agonyaunt - Ask a Manager: My Boss's Parenting Choices Are Driving Me Nuts
conuly in agonyaunt - I get the feeling that these people make their own problems....
conuly in agonyaunt - (no subject)
conuly in agonyaunt - (no subject)
conuly in agonyaunt - Wow, this family sucks
masterghandalf in das_sporking2 - Fellowship of the King Book II Chapter Three: Before the Fall, Part Two
conuly in agonyaunt - (no subject)
conuly in agonyaunt - One column, two ragebait letters that I hope are fake
minoanmiss in agonyaunt - Dear Prudence: Politics and Relationships and Friends Groups oh my!
minoanmiss in agonyaunt - Dear Prudence: Help! I Left My Ex Because He Didn’t Want Children.
masterghandalf in das_sporking2 - All Shadows Fled Chapter Eleven: There's Always Revenge
elisheva_m in little_details - Tech/code question
minoanmiss in agonyaunt - Two Ethics Quests from Ask A Manager

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